also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
