I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
