Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
