I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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