Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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