So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My feet surprised me
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
