Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
