Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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