So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
