I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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