They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
