OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
