My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
