just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
