i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize