the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize