OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
