i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
