i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i already hear my dad disowning me
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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