I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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