Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
