he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
