I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Sorry about my life...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
