Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
