btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
