My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
