You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He has the fingertips of a God
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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