Soap is not a condiment
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
