Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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