Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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