Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize