My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
