I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
