ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He passed out mid-signature
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
