I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
