I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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