somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
