i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My liver just had a heart attack.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
