Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
