This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it hurts more in the daytime
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
