Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
