Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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