I met the friendliest cop last night
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize