I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
