This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
