thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
