M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize