I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
