11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
