all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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