I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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