One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
