One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
