wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
