Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
