just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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