She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
