I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
