Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
