This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
