I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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