It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
