Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
