She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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