no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
