I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
