the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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