It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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