You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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