Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
