nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
