Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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