ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
