You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
