I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
