i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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