Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
