I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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