Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
