***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
